lost..never be back again..

it has been awhile since my last update. and in that while. i've lost one of my trusted and closest friend. Doster. that's his name. i've never thought i could lost a friend like him. he's always been the one with the jokes and laughter. everybody seems to be happy when he is around and, i know that for sure because we all still laugh when we remember the good times we had with him. i don't even regard him as a friend but, as one of my brothers. we always have that brotherhood bonds in our band. i know i've always been a really good friend. we always fight and argue in most of the things but, brothers also had fights right? i still remember when we argue all over the weekend when we're doing a gig in Mukah. he's always been the one with the big mouth. he's the funniest guy i've ever known. but, sadly on 17 January 2010. he left us without even saying goodbye. it has been a hard time for him to undergo such a tiring and painful treatment. hmm..the clocks seem to stop ticking the minute i receive the bad news. i've never cried that bad ever since form 5. You'll always be remembered my friend. eventhough you're not here with us. but you'll live on in our melodies and lyrics... Rest In Peace..

never had a chance!

it' been a while since last post and i've never truly had a chance to write a blog bcoz simply, broadband connection totally sucks and i've been busy. hmm..i felt terribly down today.. everything seems to be fuck up in a way that i totally mess everything for me. i just don't know what to say and i do what i'm doing the best..drink till you are drunk! i know and i believe my addiction to nicotine which is harazdous anyway totally help to sort out the pain inside..you will know that i'm not in the mood when you see me smoking the fag continously till i sleep..and that's what i do today..hmm..what life's all about anyway? when life seems to be fucked up and you know nothing on how to solve it..thanks god..i finally found a room mate which suits me well..i'm not a coosy person but, in this case...i don't want to have mate that i can't talk to..well..here it is my life! totally fucked up shit!

so what changes in last two decades??

it's 2010! yeah, i celebrate another new year here in Kuching. not quite really having fun but, it's ok. so what changes in the last two decades (nearly)??? hmm...a lot..it seems that i can't never leave behind my past..it keeps on haunting me and i've keep on thinking 'if's. do i regret over the past? maybe. do i have anything to regret? i don't know. live continue as it is. i'm really determine to shed off few unnecessary kilos this year! i don't want to be plaque with all kind of diseases when i'm old. i've love, i've hate, i've been knocked under. that's my live, seems pretty obvious, we can't get everything that we want in this life. not that beautiful girl you use to adore. not that nice car that you see. not that big wonderful house that you love. seems a bit pessimistic but, i know what to expect in my life. that's life all about. anyway, welcome to our second year together dear, i love you, Michelle.